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sadness true makes you tired.
makes you all fed up with fever
sickness
tiredness
pointless.

shouldnt be sad though,
ive heard youre not allowed to if you put yourself in the situation.
but im so tired of escaping,
of moving,
of being so restless.

i just want to live on a train or a plane,
so i constantly feel like im moving.
the concrete way of moving,

not stepping healthywise back and fourth
feeling a "personal moving", an improvement,
sorry about the airquotes,

but i cant help hating the boredness in that
the commoness
the great,
big world,
which we are more or less responsible to step into.

so, flight ticket from london
leaving it now

and a plane ride to were time stands still
will always stand still

im gonna stop moving
and i hate it.

and that makes me tired.
the fact that my plane ride wont take me to some
fantastic,
new,
exciting place on earth makes my head spinning
makes my knees tremble,
of fear.

and someone said that ill get used to it
that life "over there" in that other me,
will soon be daily life
and i will have forgotten about the morning rain in hyde park,
the smell of english tea,
it doesnt matter.

i dont want to forget.
i never want to be the me i was there.
never.
never ever will i accept that mentality,

which i know,

makes it impossible for me to live there.
so i wont.
and the question i keep asking myself is "why am i leaving london"
and to be honest, i dont know.
i really dont know

and god this turned out to be a long text and half of it is bullshit
i know
and i HAVE TO consider family,
animals,
forests.
be there for a while.
not too long though.
keep my head over the surface
as if the big THERE were drowning water.